The Enigma of Freeze

Most of us have heard about the three responses to danger–fight, flight and freeze and most of us are clear on the first two. We’ve seen people jumping out of their cars after a fender bender screaming at the other driver regardless of who was at fault and those who are always itching for a fight. We’ve seen people who disappear when things get tough or who habitually run from relationships.

Freeze often remains puzzling even to those who have experienced it. You might have had small versions of freeze. A teacher bellows out a question and your mind goes completely blank. You’re driving and suddenly don’t recognize where you are and you lose your bearings. A loved one dies and you’re numb and floaty.

It’s common for people who’ve been in car accidents to insist to the paramedics and police that they are just fine and they’ll just drive themselves home, thanks. It can be days, weeks or longer before they come out of freeze. Trauma recovery can be aided by working with a skilled therapist using EMDR, Somatics and other approaches to come out of this state safely and slowly.

We’ve seen the enigma of freeze play out on a national scale as bright, powerful women testify to being assaulted and having to say that they didn’t say No, they didn’t call out for help, they didn’t fight and they didn’t tell anyone. Without an understanding of freeze, none of this adds up. Why would they remember certain details clearly and others not at all?  Didn’t they give passive consent by not speaking up? Why would they sometimes take years to understand that it was assault? 

Shame often follows Freeze for Women and Men

We’ve seen the misogynistic torrent of hatred that came down on women for being sluts and liars trying to destroy men’s careers for money and publicity. Besides the humiliation at being exposed in this public manner is the destructive self-blame– I shouldn’t have been drinking; What did I expect?; I was flirting and the searing shame–Why didn’t I call out for help?; Why didn’t I push him off?

We know that men are even more unlikely than women to report assault. The concept of power is central to men’s identity. Culturally we hold ideas such as men always wanting sex.  We are frightened by the thought that men can be vulnerable to assault.The shame and secrecy come at a terrible price. Men who have been assaulted often show signs of PTSD and depression, alcoholism and drug abuse, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts, problems in intimate relationships and underachievement at school and work.

What foes freeze feel like?

Unlike fight and flight which come with energy to act defensively or offensively, freeze is a physical and emotional shutdown with the energy suppressed.

Some examples of the freeze response are 

• Sense of dread

• Body rigid or unable to move

• Difficulty speaking or thinking clearly

• Numbness or detachment 

• Shallow breathing

• Pounding heart

• Feeling cold 

• Pale skin 

• The 1,000 yard stare 

A Simplified Explanation of How the Brain Works

Fight, flight and freeze are hardwired mechanisms that protect us. When trauma occurs, when  too much is happening for us to process it, one of these three modes kicks in. We don’t get to choose which one; it happens automatically and it happens quickly.

Your body’s job is to help you survive. Going into freeze is not a conscious choice. It is what your body does instinctively to protect itself. 

Here’s what is happening in the brain. Broadly speaking, we have a three part brain that was developed evolutionarily in this order:

• The reptilian brain

• The limbic system

• The prefrontal cortex

The reptilian brain, the oldest of the three, controls all the automatic functions of your body that keep you alive without you having to think about it–breath, heart rate, temperature, sleep, hunger, sex drive and the fight, flight and freeze responses.

The limbic system processes and manages all the emotions, mad, sad, glad, scared, guilt, shame.

The prefrontal cortex is the most sophisticated, performing executive functions like language, critical thinking and decision making.

In a threatening situation, the prefrontal cortex goes offline and the reptilian brain takes charge. Our limbic system lights up with fear and the prefrontal cortex is unavailable to make executive decisions. At that moment our brain-body’s only job is to keep us alive.

It’s survival time. We are filled with fear and our body instinctively goes into fight, flight or freeze. 

Paradoxically, while all three are hyperaroused states, freeze is the one that is the highest arousal, even as we can’t move and can’t speak. Our body is preparing for the next step but is unable to release the bound energy until the threat passes. This bound energy can be held in the body for years and can be helped to slowly and safely release with the help of a skilled somatic therapist.

A complication is that oftentimes our brain-body is not able to distinguish between real threat and perceived threat. One example is that when we hear a loud noise ring out, most of us will instinctively duck and then figure out later whether that was a gunshot or a car backfire. The beauty of this response is that if it is a gunshot, we might be saving our own lives. If it’s a car backfire, the most that can happen is that we feel mild embarrassment.

When freeze becomes your default

The freeze response was designed to be a temporary state but with the demands of modern life, we may find ourselves continuing in behaviors that lead us towards overwhelm and burnout, pushing through and overriding what our bodies are telling us. 

As high functioning adults, we can be in a chronic state of freeze without realizing it, perceiving our exhaustion as normal. Capable and responsible, we can maintain a facade in the world while internally feeling overwhelmed, chronically stressed and emotionally wiped out. We may show up at work but withdraw at home. We may use praise, money, substances, shopping, gaming, whatever to get a hit of dopamine, to fill our sense of emptiness.

Many times we can trace the genesis of our freeze responses back to our childhoods if we lived in unstable families, had poor attachment to our caretakers, if there was substance abuse or violence, if we were bullied.

Childhood is a time of dependency and vulnerability. We are physically small with rudimentary skills, just  beginning to  learn how the world works. Flight is not going to work. Where are you going to go? Fight isn’t going to work. The unsafe people are all bigger and stronger. When a child isn’t able to fight or run, they are left with only the freeze response, panicking and becoming numb or immobile in the face of danger or perceived danger. A child is left helpless and hopeless, anxious and afraid, unable to access the mobilized states of fight or flight which are also designed to keep them safe.

Later in our adult lives we might find ourselves hyperalert and perceiving danger when there is none. We have a tendency to dissociate, disconnecting from ourselves and our environment, unable to reach out for help, not believing that there is help to be had. When we find ourselves overreacting in the present, the cause often can be traced back to earlier experiences. It’s so common that twelve step groups have a saying for this–If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.

Conversely, we might not be attuned to potential danger. We might believe that things don’t scare us because we are so inured to them. In our adult life this can cause us to not recognize unsafe partners or friends, to minimize our feelings and be vulnerable to gaslighting, believing others’ perceptions of reality rather than our own.

Ideally we want our bodies to have access to all three states, fight, flight and freeze. We have neuroplastic brains, brains that can change and adapt. When we have lived with a lot of shut-down fear, freeze can become our default state and we no longer have much access to the other two states. 

How Somatic Therapies can help you come out of freeze

You can’t think your way out of trauma. You can’t talk your way out of trauma. In some cases, telling and retelling the story of our traumas, to friends and even to therapists not skilled in trauma treatment, can be retraumatizing. Each time we tell the story we relive it, tracing and retracing the same neural pathways. The  body and its wisdom, its language and pace must be attended to. Somatic therapies aim to create new, healthier pathways.

We are not just heads being carried around by our bodies. Trauma doesn’t just impact our thoughts and behaviors. It impacts our very being and shakes us to our core. It can shatter our sense of identity, destroy our sense of a future, challenge our body’s integrity and even question whether we are alive. 

These profound changes must be met with a whole being approach and fortunately we have had advances in our understanding of neuroscience and neuroplasticity and the brain’s ability to heal. The totality of our being, our hearts, emotions, thoughts, behaviors and entire bodies need to be attended to. Our bodies offer great wisdom if we attune to what they are telling us.

All good trauma therapy begins with finding the right therapist for you and beginning to establish a relationship of growing trust and safety.

Here at Cutting Edge Counseling we have developed a four-pronged approach to healing trauma using: 

• EMDR and Somatic Experiencing which are both body-based trauma therapies

• Mindfulness as a means for working skillfully with our beliefs and thoughts

• Attachment Repair to build trust and intimacy in our relationships. 

Simple Somatic Techniques You can use to Help Yourself come out of Freeze

Body-focused exercises focus on physical sensations rather than thoughts and feelings. In this way they differ from talk therapy and exposure therapy. Going directly to the body is also the fastest route to regulation. Mindfulness can aid you in putting aside thoughts and feelings and going directly to the the body.

The more you practice these, the more your brain-body will learn  to self-regulate.

Co-regulation

Seek out the company of a supportive person. You may want a hug, a touch, a kind word. You may not want any touch. Simply being in each other’s company will calm your system.

Breathing Exercises

Slow and lengthen your outbreaths. This will activate your parasympathetic nervous system, calming you and lowering your stress hormones.

Mobilize

This will bring you out of freeze and ground you in the here and now.

• Stand up and move around in any way that feels good to you.

• Repeatedly rock forward onto your toes and back down again, feeling the weight and strength of your body.

Self-Touch 

Pull a pillow to your chest and give it a hug. Feel the comfort and reassurance of this simple gesture.

Tapping

Cup your hands and tap all over your body, starting with your head and going all the way to your feet. You can also do basic Qigong “chi slapping” or squeezing of your arms and legs.

Verbal reassurances 

I am here and I am safe. 

I feel the ground under my feet.

I look up at the big sky. I look around at the trees.

Visualization 

Go back to a time and place when you felt safe and happy and create a visualization with every element to your liking, the place, the temperature, the colors, sounds and smells, alone or with others.

Call up safe people, protective or spiritual figures, animals, a higher power, characters from a book or movie that bring you sustenance and support.

Let’s Talk

If you want to learn more about how we work, let’s talk. We offer a free 15 minute consultation. Call Stephanie at 310-339-5812 or Lee Ann at 310-980-8988.